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The Drama of St. Paul and his experience when on the earth
December 5, 1915
I am here, St. Paul of the New Testament.
I was with you my brother at the discourse on the Drama of St. Paul, and
I was much interested in the subject matter and in the manner in which
the speaker delivered his discourse. He himself was somewhat dramatic,
and his elocution and intonation of the dialogues between several of the
prominent personages in the drama and me were very effective. Really,
however, they, the intonations, did not sound very familiar because, to
me, they possessed too much artificiality to represent correctly the
real tones of voice and the feelings that possessed these persons and me
on those occasions. Nevertheless, they were very effective, and I have
no doubt produced on the hearers the effect intended.
Some of the scenes depicted were very real, and some of them were not
and never occurred. I remember well my experience on the way to Damascus
and the great change that it caused to my whole existence on earth. The
brightness and the voice of Jesus were actualities, although the
statement that I went blind (Acts 9:9) is not true. I was not blind but
only affected for the time by the unusual light and also the shock that
the voice of Jesus caused.
As Jesus said, “My only blindness was what covered my spiritual eyes at
the time.” When I went into the town, the only blindness that I
recovered from, in a way, was what had kept my soul in darkness and
caused me to persecute the followers of Jesus. I was under the belief
that I was doing the work that God had called me to do. So you see that
while the description as a whole of my life after my call was very
interesting, yet it was not altogether correct.
My condition of soul development was that I lacked
the divine love that I possessed to some degree
afterward. I was more of an intellectual Christian
in my early ministry than a Christian possessing
the great love of God; yet, I continued to preach
and believed as best I could until finally I became
a redeemed child of God, filled with his love. I knew
many things connected with and taught in the theology
of the Jews and especially of the Pharisees. I
now see that in my writings my conceptions of the
truths of God were flavored, to a considerable
extent, by this knowledge of the Jewish theology.
While many things that I taught are true as I now
see them, many things that the Bible says I wrote
are not true, and I am not surprised that men accept
them at this time. How I wish that I could review
and rewrite the epistles ascribed to me, and how
many seeming contradictions and unreasonable things
would be made plain. But I cannot, except as I
may declare through you the truth as I now see
it. I hope that the opportunity may come to do
so.
I will not write more tonight as you have written considerable, and
others wish to write.
I will say goodnight.
Your brother in Christ,
Paul
St. Paul says that his thorn in the flesh was his
doubt that at times that he was called to preach the truth of man’s
salvation as taught by Jesus
June 28, 1915
Saul of Tarsus, now Paul of near Damascus.
As you are longing tonight for love and fellowship with the disciples of
the Master, I thought that I would write you just a little to show that
all of the Master’s disciples are in their living spiritual bodies, and
I am alive and will never again die.
I have written many epistles that are contained in the Bible, and some
are nearly correct. In them you will find my idea of God and of the
Master. However, I never taught that he was God and neither did I teach
the doctrine of the vicarious atonement or the sufficiency of Jesus’s
blood to save a sinner from the sins of his earthly deeds. I never
taught that any man’s sins would be borne and the penalty for the same
be paid for by another, and wherever these doctrines are set forth in my
epistles, they were not written by me.
The thorn in the flesh (2 Corinthians 12:7) was my doubt at times that I
was called to preach the truth of man’s salvation as taught by Jesus. I
say I doubted at times that I was called to do such work because,
notwithstanding the Bible narrative of my conversion (Acts 9:20), I was
not altogether convinced by the vision that I saw. I know now that it
was a true vision, and that I was called, but when on earth I had my
doubts at times, and this was my besetting sin.
Of course, from my epistles you would never think that I had any doubts,
and I purposely abstained from making known my doubts and so-called it
my besetting sin. I thank God that I never let that doubt influence me
to prevent me from giving the work my call, for if I had I would have
undoubtedly relapsed into the persecuting Jew. As I continued to preach,
my faith grew stronger, and after a while my doubt had left me, and in
my latter years I had no doubt.
As to being afraid I will have to disillusion you, for I was never
stricken blind or taken to the house of the prophet of God as the Bible
says (Acts 9:17). My vision, though, was plain enough, and I heard the
voice upbraiding me, and I believed, but at times there would come this
doubt that I speak of.
I am not in as high a sphere as is St. John, for I have not the divine
love that he has. But I am in a very high sphere and am the governor of
the city in which I live. I am probably as much filled with this love as
any of the inhabitants of my city. Consequently, having been a disciple
of the Master, they selected me for their Governor. Peter is not in the
same sphere; he is in a higher one. Some disciples are higher and some
are lower. Andrew is in my sphere, but he does not live in my city.
I am glad that you called me tonight, or rather that the influence of
your love called me, as I am much interested in the work that you have
to do for the Master. You will be able to do this work, and it will be a
great revolutionizing one when it is published.
I will be glad to write you at times and give you my present opinion on
some of the things I discussed in my epistles. So, as I have written
considerable, I will say goodnight and stop.
Your friend and brother,
St. Paul, of the Bible
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